Five Minute Shrinklit Hamlet
by AmyDonovan525
Summary: For those of you who don't have the time to read the book or the Cliffnotes version.


The King's ghost appeared three nights in a row,

Horatio thought his best friend should know.

For Prince Hamlet was so wrong in the head,

You'd wonder why he even got out of bed.

Gertrude remarried, they celebrated,

But young Hamlet's mourning was still unabated.

His grasp on time was tenuous at best,

And he always wore black, unlike the rest.

So Ophelia's family made her stay away,

From crazy Hamlet, and live another day.

He agreed to see the ghost with Horatio,

And saw a frightful sight that wouldn't let go!

It was his father, who then said that night:

"Avenge me and kill that son of a termite!"

Hamlet made his friends swear they'd never tell

What they saw; instead, say he just "wasn't well".

Ophelia was scared 'cause Hamlet seemed mad,

But it was to see if Claudius was good or bad.

The king called for two of Hamlet's old friends

To find out his madness, not to make amends.

Hamlet confessed that the world lost its meaning,

Its wonder, its joy, its longed-for feeling,

And in the end, people are but dust and smoke,

Though the fools took it to mean a gay joke.

The acting company then came to town,

And he requested they recite a speech down.

For a fictional character, they showed

So much more soul than Hamlet ever knowed,

So he decided, "The play's the thing

Wherin I'll catch the conscience of the king."

Claudius used Ophelia to see

What the secret of Hamlet's madness may be,

But clever Hamlet saw right through the plan,

Like a scythe through wheat, and he'd rather be a man.

"To be or not to be" with Ophelia? No way.

He'd send her to a nunnery any other day.

Ophelia was heartbroken oh so bad,

Claudius knew there was no love to be had,

So "to England", he said, "It shall be so.

Madness in great ones must not unwatched go."

"The Murder of Gonzago" so deftly shows

Something like the murder he so well knows

And stood up he did, Hamlet instantly knew

Claudius did it; what the ghost said was true.

He tried to pray, lest his consciousness pop,

Hamlet tried murdering him, but had to stop,

For that soul would go to heaven, he thought,

But he wasn't really praying; all for naught.

In his mother's chambers, he grilled her hard,

And then stabbed an eavesdropper like a piece of lard,

Not Claudius, but Polonius, to his dismay,

Ophelia's father wouldn't live another day.

The ghost came in to remind Hamlet that

He must leave Gertrude out of this act.

But alas—only he could see the ghost,

It was what Gertrude feared the most:

That Hamlet seemed insane. Sneaky Claudius sent

A letter saying, "Do it, England," which meant,

For them to kill Hamlet once and for all,

Or else they'd be punished for lack of gall.

But clever Hamlet peeked at the letter,

And rewrote it to say something better.

Now why could he kill his former friends

While not for the king who was making "amends"?

We'll never know. So a pirate ship sailed by,

He hijacked it with a "Yo ho ho" on the fly.

Meanwhile, Claudius and Laertes schemed

When their plan didn't work as they dreamed.

Gertrude said that Ophelia has drowned.

But to us, her circumstances are renowned;

Used by her father, Hamlet, and the king,

Pulled in all directions, she was forced to sing

In madness, and when she found Hamlet killed

Her father, her entire life's meaning spilled.

Now the gravedigger is digging for her,

He's dug graves for so long, the years were a blur.

"Yorrick's skull this was", to Hamlet he told,

Who died when Hamlet was seven years old,

Whom he knew so well, and knew all life must,

No matter how famous, come back to dust.

The procession came, Laertes jumped in there,

To say goodbye, not content to just stare,

When Hamlet tackled and fought with the bore,

Over whom Ophelia's death affected more.

The next day, Osric, with a hat on his head,

Simply agreed with whatever Hamlet said.

The fakey he was. Hamlet's number one vice.

Believes in being honest no matter the price.

So he takes the duel and tells Horatio,

The one truth that everyone should know:

Death will come, if not later, then now.

If not now, then later. But somewhere, somehow,

It is inevitable. "The readiness is all."

Suiting up, ready to face his possible fall,

He stepped into the palace arena to fight

Grief-stricken Laertes with all his might.

During the break, the king went to thank

Them with the cup, from which Gertrude drank.

It was poisoned. So was Laertes' sword tip,

Which Hamlet stole and gave them both a rip,

Then Laertes snitched; the king plotted this,

A fact Hamlet could no longer remiss.

So he swung toward him on a chandelier

Like a daredevil who had nothing to fear.

He stabbed the villain, and forced him to drink,

From the same cup 'till he could no longer think.

What an irony. Then they heard something more;

Fortinbras' army coming to bust down the door.

Horatio has been his best friend all these years,

And he is grateful he can confide all his fears.

So he entrusted him with his last request:

"To tell my story. I'll leave you the rest."

And then he died, in the hope that then,

No one would relive his tragedy again.

Fortinbras came in and saw just one soul,

Alive, Horatio told him Hamlet's goal

Of spreading his story. So after he took

The throne, he ordered a special nook

For Hamlet to be buried in a military way.

He then looked around at everyone who that day,

Lay dead. He knew how ironic it was,

That he wanted revenge on them, just because

Old Hamlet killed his father. Now he knew,

Just what the cycle of revenge could brew.


End file.
